Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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