the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
