I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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