Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
