Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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