Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
