I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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