You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
