At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
