Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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