the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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