Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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