I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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