Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
