Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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