Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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