The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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