Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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