we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
