and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
