who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground