so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.