I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.