I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.