Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
