I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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