I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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