So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
