I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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