I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
