Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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