I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
