I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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