I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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