Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
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So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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