im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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