He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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