did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
