shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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