what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
