I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
