I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
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