My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
