I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
