Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
