k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
