haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize