Can i not drive my cunt home
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
