Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
