never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I will be naked everywhere
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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