you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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