he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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