I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize