worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
