My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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