I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
