:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
