You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
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Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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