is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
