we have officially lost it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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