fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
