The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think my moral compass just broke
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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