I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
