Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
